


I'm With You

by Asimplewriterlivingasimplelife2



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Carlos Reyes Needs a Hug (9-1-1 Lonestar), Domestic Boyfriends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt TK Strand, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s02e08 Bad Call, Soft Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, TK Strand Needs A Hug, these two own my heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 05:21:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30033687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asimplewriterlivingasimplelife2/pseuds/Asimplewriterlivingasimplelife2
Summary: Carlos figured he would hit a breaking point after such a horrible night, he just didn’t think it would be right now.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 21
Kudos: 227





	I'm With You

Carlos figured he would hit a breaking point after such a horrible night, he just didn’t think it would be right now. One minute he was standing there finishing up with the simple task of brushing his teeth, and then he suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. The anxiety twisted his stomach in a tight knot and he quickly shut his eyes as he let out a shuddering breath, his hands gripping onto the sink like a lifeline.

The anxiety isn’t something new. He used to have panic attacks at school all the time, especially on those exam or presentation days. Sleeping used to be hard because there was always some kind of worry in the back of his mind, whether it was related to his parent's expectations or what people thought of him at school. It had gotten especially bad that week he built up the courage to come out and it was bad after when he was faced with nothing but silence. He eventually learned how to manage it all before he went to the academy and it helped, just as much as it helped with the stress of work, but nothing seemed to be working right now. 

_ TK could have died _

_ Dad isn't proud of you _

_ Maybe he was right, you’re too soft _

“Carlos?” 

The blood rushing in his ears made it sound like TK was miles away. Carlos barely registers that the gasps of air are coming from him until he hears TK again, closer this time, and feels a gentle hand on his wrist, “Hey it’s okay. You’re okay. Let’s get back to the bed, wouldn’t serve us any good if we both have a concussion.” 

Carlos wishes he could tell him that he shouldn’t even be up on his feet right now, he was still recovering from the concussion and the bright lights weren’t going to help. Instead, he was just stuck and trying to focus on something else besides those too clear memories of a wounded TK leaning against the table. 

Somehow TK breaks his grip on the sink, a gentle hand on his arm as they slowly went back to the bed. 

“You’re doing really good baby, keep breathing. The bed’s right in front of you.” 

He isn’t really sure about how he did it, but he got on the bed and was glad to be there if there was any possibility of passing out. Carlos felt the bed shift and then TK was there, taking his hand and moving it onto his chest right on his heart. 

“Breathe with me.” 

“TK-” 

“You’re right here and you’re okay. You’re already breathing right now.” 

Carlos put all his focus on TK’s warmth and the slow rising and falling of his chest. He doesn’t know how long it took but eventually, that weight on his chest slowly disappears. He still feels like he can’t think straight and he’s shaking, but he manages to open his eyes. There’s a dim light on and TK is right there with a small tired smile on his face, “I knew you could do it.” 

TK’s hurt, he doesn’t need to worry about anything right now.

His eyes linger on that bruise on TK’s forehead before he swallows the lump in his throat. He hates how small and strained his voice sounds, “I’m sorry.”

TK wraps his fingers around Carlos’s hand still resting on his chest and looks sad, “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

Carlos thought he had a lot to be sorry for. 

There was a long period of silence, a comforting amount of silence before TK quietly asked, “You don’t have to, but do you want to tell me about what brought that on?”

He was always so terrible at putting up an emotional wall and he knew it always bothered his dad. Carlos couldn’t find a way to not feel and he hoped he never did, even if it hurt. 

“It’s stupid TK.” 

“It’s not stupid if it’s making you upset.” 

He was tempted to tell TK to forget about it but in the end he really couldn’t bring himself to lie. He felt the tears starting to burn in his eyes and his voice shakes, “I um...I guess everything that happened yesterday, all of those...feelings? They just decided to come out now.” 

“And that’s a normal reaction. Yesterday was a lot.”

His eyes wandered again to the now stitched injury on TK’s head, where the bruise was just as he felt the tears start to fall, “My suspension and my dad were bad but the thought of losing you terrified me.” 

Carlos felt TK’s arm envelop him just as he choked back a sob, every ounce of fear that came with TK dying coming out. He let himself cry, as he pressed his face into TK’s neck, holding onto the one he loved as if he would lose him again. 

“Shh, It’s okay. I’m right here Carlos, I’m not going anywhere.” 

TK kept repeating those same words, a hand gingerly rubbing up and down his back.

_ I couldn’t keep you safe.  _

“You always make me feel safe.”

Carlos’s heart still is heavy with an overwhelming amount of guilt but the tears eventually start to slow. He takes a shaky inhale, still not sure if he was ready to let go of TK yet, “I’m never going to be good enough for him.” 

“For who? Your dad? I thought everything was okay?” 

“Okay is a fine way to describe it, but it doesn’t change the fact that things are still uncomfortable. He knows about us and he said he was proud of me, but I don't feel like he meant it. Not after he basically discredited me before my suspension.” 

“Well if he really feels that way, he’s wrong.” 

Carlos rubbed at his eyes and looked up to meet his boyfriend’s gaze. TK had a reassuring smile on his face, “I knew you would come and you did. You found us, you found me. That’s what matters. You have an amazing heart and I think that’s one of the many things that make you a great police officer. If your dad doesn’t really see that...then well he’s blind.” 

He felt himself shakily laugh, TK reaching over to brush a stray tear away from his cheek.

“Did you feel like this at the hospital?” 

Carlos couldn’t really bring himself to reply but the hurt look on TK’s face was enough to prove he had gotten his answer. 

“Baby…” 

“You almost died again. You really don’t need another thing to worry about.” 

“Yeah but it’s you.” 

Carlos felt his heart sink when he heard TK’s voice crack, “You always take care of me, and it’s really fucking selfish that I haven’t been doing the same for you.” 

He was about to tell him that it wasn’t true, none of that was true, until TK stopped him, “I just don’t want you to take on this kind of stuff alone. You don’t have to talk about it all the time, I get that, but you know that I am here though right? I want to hear all of it, good and bad.” 

“Of course I do.” 

“Okay, yeah. Good. Then from now on, promise me you won't hold it in anymore. I’ll be right here to help you deal with it, always.” 

Carlos gave him a nod, “I promise.” 

“You better.” 

For the first time in the middle of such an emotional night, Carlos felt a real smile spread across his face as he leaned forward to meet TK for a kiss. When they pulled away, Carlos saw TK wince and before he could show any concern TK beat him to a reply, “It’s okay. It’ll pass. Let’s try to get some sleep. Turn around.” 

There was safety when Carlos felt TK’s arm slip across his waist. He finally let himself take a steady breath, as the exhaustion began to set in. Just before he fell asleep he made sure to say one last thing, “TK?”

“Yeah?”

“Love you.”

Carlos felt a kiss on his cheek before he heard TK reply, “Love you too.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Not the best thing I've done because finals are around the corner, but this was really on my mind after that episode.


End file.
